I know it sounds crazy but I did give away over 20 bitcoin to total strangers with my bitcoin faucet websites back in 2014 to 2017. I never got "rich"
from crypto but I feel good knowing I had a part of growing the community in the early days. Maybe some of the people I helped had good fortune.
It still blows my mind to this day to think of it all.
I really can't feel the way you feel but I understand what it means to have given away that much a long time ago though back then it didn't seem like much but currently it's unimaginably huge.
The fact is thinking about it much would only make things worse so it's best you just chill about it but it's ok to reflect it once a while however anytime you do just take it as you were a supporter of bitcoin and you successfully spread the word via those faucets.
Come to think of it contributions like yours back then are what made the network gain adoption quickly.