Bitcoin is way less volatile than it used to be.

You are living in a little fantasy with your parroting of nonsense mainstream talking points.
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It seems to me that one of the most predictable dynamics of bitcoin is that it happens to be ongoingly volatile
It's not that hard to believe Bitcoin is less volatile now than it was 10 years ago. Just yesterday, I posted this:
In 2013 that 8 BTC was worth $100 to $9500.
Bitcoin doesn't have 10000% annual increases in dollar-value anymore. Measured in dollars, it easily goes up and down by thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars, but it's a much smaller percentage than it used to be.