I am sure there still a chance for you to forgive yourself and trying to give back the borrow money if you still have a loan. The important thing is you try to repay the money and not run from the your responsibility to pay the money. After you give back the money, you must commit to yourself not borrow money from other people. If you are not in the urgent situation, you should stay away from borrowing the money because that give you a risk.
Over the years (or so it seems to me) I have given almost all the money back to the people I borrowed from. Only a small part remains. A little more time and I will completely remove this burden from myself, which hangs around my neck like a stone, weighing me down.
Yes, you are right. I no longer have any desire to do this not only to people, but also to myself. It was a waste of so many years. During this time, I could have directed my efforts in a completely different direction and become the person I wanted to be since childhood.