You has logged your own patterns. A lot of people, most, never do. There is something about seeing the log of losses and gains (no matter how brutal, pixel by pixel, day by day) that does a number on the 'am I in control?' loop in your head. That log, scrolling, numbers going red, balance dropping, suddenly, you are watching yourself play, narrating to your friend, and somewhere that feedback loop becomes its own thrill.

People who do not gamble always say 'it is the losing that hurts', but it is almost never the losing. It is the losing control that burns. You catch that, check your emotional dashboard. Pause, like, real pause. Actually shutting down the casino, noticing what comes up in the silence. Boredom, peace, nothing, whatever. Some people never find out. You did, and that is a real win, a grown-up achievement.