None of you f@#$ers have been nice to me, so I will not be nice to you at all.
Please accept the apology that we exist.
None of you know how to have a conversation. I KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER HAD A CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE IN YEARS BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DEVOID OF ALL SOCIAL SKILLS!
We are so lucky that you showed up here and showed us good conversational manners. I don't think we can ever thank you enough.
You are an obvious example that a Ph.D. can make an idiot out of a person