This kind of grief not only is personal, but it's almost always surprising. And it morphs from one level to another. It's quite the journey.  My mom died about two years ago, so I can tell you what happened to me.  I still have that grief, but it's way different than it was at the beginning.  It's not better or worse really, in some ways better, but it's deeper too now.

If I could go back and tell myself one thing to do a better job of, it would be to not fight it.  I had to learn to just soak in it when it showed up. Let myself cry or laugh or remember.  It's natural to fight it because you don't want to be in that state of mind.  And there are certainly times where you need to save it for later. You're in the middle of something. You tell your grief, not now, but I'll come back.

A therapist might not be a bad idea. I did a few sessions after my mom died. My company gave that in their EAP.  But I did a group thing for about six weeks once a week. That was quite moving and helpful. So maybe something to look into.

God bless you, man.