You’d still have your seed phrase, so you could just import it into another wallet. Honestly, I don’t know how you come up with these wild ideas haha. If something like that ever happened, some people would end up insanely rich. Not everyone keeps their BTC on a hardware wallet anyway, except maybe the whales.
That's one of the dumbest things I've read in a while. One of the safety rules that I know is to always spend at least 1% of the value of your investment on security. For instance if you own a $100k car, you'll want to spend at least $1k on a decent parking spot. If you park it on your own land, make sure there's a fence and a gate that you lock at night and at the very least a motion sensor activated flood light.
The cheapest Trezor wallets cost $25 and most wallets on the market will cost you less than $100!
If you own more than $50k in bitcoin you should either have a dedicated air gapped computer, or a hardware wallet.