I was in the barbershop this morning to get a nice haircut for a wedding I will be attending tomorrow Saturday, there will be old time friends I'll meet with there and it is gonna be loud. On waiting for my time seated I shifted my attention listening to the conversation between the two men that were having their haircut while we were waiting for our time.There was a sense of familiarity between them in the mode they talk, one of the men was telling the other man about his relative that requested to take in one of his child to come live with him and which the relative will be responsible in covering for the child upkeeps and train the child in school all through the time the child will be living with him. He added, that the relative offered to do this to help alleviate the financial load on him due to his family size.
In response, the other man who listened passionately as the man was telling him this told him not to accept it and his reason specifically was that the child will lose bond with the father and the relative that the child will grow up with will be the one to have that bond instead. A lack of bond that when the child becomes an adult it will make the child not carry his biological father with much love and much important than the relative the child will live and grow with. That the man should not do it and should instead hold all his children, struggle with the burden of taking care of them all even if it kills him.
It was deep for me listening to their conversation and I thought of bringing it to the community to get the thoughts and opinions of parents the community this. Are there parents with similar experience, tell us what you think. Will you for fear of losing bond with your child living to grow up with another relative refuse to release your child syc to you knowing that the child will be having a better life and education over there.
In my own opinion, I would say it depends on the age of the child that will be leaving with them. The age of the child determines what the child thinks of knows. A child that is taken to live with another either a relative or anyone else at an early age, let's say 0-5 years will surely have a distorted bond with the biological parents because what's forms the child's thinking is those she stays with and the environment she finds herself.so at this situation, love is transferred to the person taking care of her because she grew up seeing such a man or family as the real family.
On the other hand, a child up to 10 years and above or even slightly below 10 already knows his/her real parents. They already bonded and used to each other. Such a child also will know the reason for going out to stay with another family before going out. So in this scenario, I don't see love or bond been distorted. Such a child will always be grateful to the other family and maybe even refer to them as her 2nd family but still retains the position of her first family. For me, it all depends age and also the role of the biological parents. Are they responsible parents, do they call to check up on her while she is away, even though they can't take care of her, do they act like parents like showing little care and attention like trying to see her? All these helps to form in the mind of the child who her real parents are and tends to sharpen her mindset