Nice joke.

If you don't have difficulty re-target then how can you keep the block time on 7 Minutes? With difficulty 1 a fast ASIC miner will find all the block in no time and all depends on how fast it can push it to the wallet daemon and how fast it can push out to the network. Let's say this coin will have an exchange and will have some real value. Just imagine hundreds of nodes in the network pushing out blocks at a rate of 10-100/s. I think multiple forks will be inevitable at this rate.