TBH if you really want all of this, just install Ubuntu, then customize it to your liking. That is basically what every Ubuntu and debian based distros are anyway.
Yeah, I figure that any fairly well known distro that I can use as a LiveCD will be fine, but I was just wondering if something as paranoid as what I was describing existed. I'd rather be paranoid and overkill than lose my money (even if it doesn't seem like its possible).