Scrypt mining on CPUs is like painting a car with nail polish. Just makes no sense.

I hope you haven't heard the word "Microsoft HPC Server" and "Microsoft Azure". Seems like new for you, That's why you are saying this... One of very famous year old service provide "Eobot" also works on the same (Microsoft Azure)... Here unlike combining GPU's we combine CPU to make Virtual Super Computer and output is given using standard stratum proxy to your pool. However, we also accept this is not good for those who wants to mine Independently. Because QT is not supported.
We have Good odd no's of PC's + GPU's + ASIC's to combine the hashpower.
Try this, if you are expert, it works.