I don't know WTF is going on, but it seems no transaction going out of the faucet, no matter how big, is getting any confirmations at all. I could be connected only to malicious nodes not relaying my transactions, but that's very unlikely.
Faucet closed until I solve this issue.
Edit: It seems the Quark client sometimes malfunctions and doesn't broadcast transactions so as they get included on a block and confirmed. However the client considers the Quarks have been spent and deducts them from your wallet balance. After losing a couple of hours fixing the faucet wallet I'm now redownloading the blockchain to try again. It's taking ages so I'm going to sleep. I'll continue with this tomorrow.
Edit 2: The clients don't work well. I'll seek help on the official forums.