" What's up with everyone blasting their scammy masternode service? They're easy to setup and run yourself. "
It is true that investors should not join shared masternodes, because platforms that host and run masternodes might turn into scam with fastly and suddenly scam exits.
No one knows when they make scam exits, so it is much safer to control private keys and setup masternodes by themselves. Take care to your wallet file is primordial.