sickhouse, they have tried to tell me I need to do the 12 steps etc to stay clean. Ive told them bullshit to their faces, and tried to explain to them that theres is more than one way to solve a problem, and one approach that helps one person may not do anything for another. I would recommend meditation. Ive found it very fulfilling, and have discovered many oppressed feelings, and secrets by meditating by myself once a day. I know what you're going thru, and its very frustrating. Youve mentioned you have autism and also ADD, or ADHD. I am also diagnosed ADD, for over 10 years now, but have never been medicated for it. I have been suffering more from the symptoms and have been thinking about seeing a dr. again for this issue. I wish u luck, and hope you can get to the core of your issues. Also dont dwell on staying sober for the rest of your life, try to take it day by day. One at a time, and you will find its not so overwhelming.. I never used to believe in the disease, but as Im confronting my own demons, Im starting to wonder what drives these cravings, and other symptoms we suffer from. I believe I have a highly addictive personality, but is that really a personality trait, or is it the disease? Its very hard to deal with I understand. Ive heard all of the counseling, and I can agree to disagree with most they say, though some of it makes sense. Just hate how they confront it with a one size fits all approach, bc each persons mind is very complex and very unique. I feel much of their studies are from books, and they try to convince you what they feel is right and appropriate, when theyre really grasping at straws. I feel its more important for us to confront ourselves, and dig deep to find out why we began using, and what issues we have oppressed, and confront them head on. These issues need dealt with and cant be buried forever, or else they keep resurfacing.. I wish u luck I hope you well, and if u need anything pm me plz.