Toknormal you have not the slightest clue how the technology works
Nothing would please me (or my wallet) more than for you to convince me of your case, since I could pick up nearly 5 times the amount of Monero for a given holding of Dash.
Somehow though...

Maybe I'll just have to resign myself to the fact that I'm just "ignorant" as smooth alludes to or a "moron" as Generlize says, and will have to consign myself to eternal poverty from now on

(P.S. It's the public who ultimately decides what is money and what isn't. If you're trying to define and pass of mere 'balances' as money then a public blockchain is a public blockchain. "Obscure" it at your peril).
I wrote moron or deluded by greed (cognitive dissonance).
We obscure cash every day in our wallets. People decided that, they actually created a thing to hide their money in because they either liked the privacy or thought they needed it--in your backwards dashworld, people are wearing their cash around their necks.