popcorn1, maybe it seems like I am a callous person. Rather it is incredulous to me that you would demand that someone who is suffering from Multiple Sclerosis and who has never taken a dime in aid from health insurance, should somehow be responsible for you being too fucking lazy to work hard and build your own life.

That is why I say, "fuck you"!

Do you have any idea what I am suffering? But do I put that burden on you?

You are the callous, communist, coward thief hiding behind the charade of equality and social justice.

Quote from: TPTB_need_war on August 03, 2015, 03:21:17 AM

P.S. Okay so been awake about 4 hours and the M.S. is starting to flare up. Gut is aching, head is going into a fog, will probably have to take sleep (or take a lot of Vitamin D3). This is the shit that is making me so damn frustrated! Angry

Grrrrr!

Quote from: TPTB_need_war on August 03, 2015, 12:15:40 AM

Edit: my major difficulty is the M.S.. When I feel strong such as this morning, I could conquer the world as I have in the past for example creating CoolPage. I was expressing frustration about wasting precious effort on recruiting others, because the M.S. robs me of some of the excess energy and dopamine that I had before the M.S.. I have had very high dopamine levels most of my life. I could essentially sustain an elevated but tiger concentration for 12 hours, sleep a bit, and do it again. The M.S. interferes and instead I ride more of a rollercoaster and so often feeling like I am exhausted.

...

Btw, I was nearly blind on the way to the gym yesterday. My eyes were tearing so much, everything was so blurry that I couldn't even make out people's faces when they were within 10 meters, and the sun was burning my eyes. This is some effect from the M.S. coupled with never seeing the daylight due to always being on the computer. After the gym workout my eyes felt much better.

Quote from: TPTB_need_war on August 02, 2015, 10:17:20 AM

Before I had M.S., I used to feel so very energized and floating on a cloud after my intense sports and exercise. With M.S., I feel like shit after such as itchiness all over my body, pains or itchiness (always varies minute to minute) on my head, numb legs, etc.. Everyday for me is not a picnic. It is a struggle. I don't get to smile as much any more. I was always known as being so jolly (except when I turn on my tiger in sports or any form of competition such as work and study time).

Quote from: TPTB_need_war on August 02, 2015, 12:24:32 PM

When I lost vision in my right eye, I asked all my friends and relatives to try walking around for a few hours with a patch on their right eye. Everyone refused. They tried to put their hand over their eye and immediately removed it. They hated it. No one really wants to know what another person feels.

It is impossible for someone who doesn't have Multiple Sclerosis to understand what it feels like.

Imagine when you had really bad stomach pains, now imagine having that every day during some hours of the day.

Imagine when you had a stuffed up head from a head cold and really hated life, now imagine having that every day during some hours of the day.

Imagine when you over exerted yourself on a very hot day and you got heat stroke. Now imagine having that every day during some hours of the day.

Etc. It is a serious illness that causes a myriad of disseminated malfunctions all over the body. These malfunctions feel like crap. They aren't just painless or free of feelings of malaise.

Men can handle short intense pain. We were built for that. But enduring day after day after year after year after year...that is a different sort of struggle and challenge.

As I said, sometimes I think it is less worse than it was. Maybe I am just the eternal optimist who doesn't want to give up. I dunno.

Any way back to work. I am just rambling...

Quote from: TPTB_need_war on August 02, 2015, 12:02:52 PM

I am not eating any carbs at all. I just ate pork and spinach for dinner. Didn't even eat any sweet potato.

M.S. is a grinding shit. Sometimes I feel if I could just get rid of this body, I could be happy again. But then when I drive to the basket and fly in the air one more time, I don't want to give up this body just yet. My gf says I out boxed the heavy bag this afternoon as compared to some other very athletic 20-somethings in the gym today. I let her hold the heavy bag once and I hit it and she flew to the ground and she will never hold the bag again, lol.

Working night and day (literally) is probably exhausting (but it used to be exhilarating before I contracted M.S. and still is exciting sometimes ... well often but I always have the M.S. lurking and disrupting the sense of good feelings).

...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_sclerosis

Multiple sclerosis (MS), also known as disseminated sclerosis or encephalomyelitis disseminata, is a demyelinating disease in which the insulating covers of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord are damaged. This damage disrupts the ability of parts of the nervous system to communicate, resulting in a wide range of signs and symptoms,[1][2] including physical, mental,[2] and sometimes psychiatric problems.[3] MS takes several forms, with new symptoms either occurring in isolated attacks (relapsing forms) or building up over time (progressive forms).[4] Between attacks, symptoms may disappear completely; however, permanent neurological problems often occur, especially as the disease advances.[4]

While the cause is not clear, the underlying mechanism is thought to be either destruction by the immune system or failure of the myelin-producing cells.[5] Proposed causes for this include genetics and environmental factors such as infections.[2][6] MS is usually diagnosed based on the presenting signs and symptoms and the results of supporting medical tests.

Although most people lose the ability to walk before death, 90% are capable of independent walking at 10 years from onset, and 75% at 15 years.

A person with MS can have almost any neurological symptom or sign; with autonomic, visual, motor, and sensory problems being the most common.[1] The specific symptoms are determined by the locations of the lesions within the nervous system, and may include loss of sensitivity or changes in sensation such as tingling, pins and needles or numbness, muscle weakness, very pronounced reflexes, muscle spasms, or difficulty in moving; difficulties with coordination and balance (ataxia); problems with speech or swallowing, visual problems (nystagmus, optic neuritis or double vision), feeling tired, acute or chronic pain, and bladder and bowel difficulties, among others.[1] Difficulties thinking and emotional problems such as depression or unstable mood are also common.

There is no known cure for multiple sclerosis.