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I feel like Nakamura would be the bitcoin contender on this list. I don't know if that's our secret grandmaster, but I can hope 
However, Nakamura uses emoticons frequently, which OP has yet to do at all, even with the
SMF smilies. Additionally, 36% of Nakamura's sentences end with an exclamation point. This is far, far more than OP's ratio (<.1%).Nice analysis! I think the 36% of sentences ending with an exclamation point is solid evidence it is not him...... unless he was cognizant of this habit and purposely changed it to obscure his identity.
Despite all the Eastern European and Asian names on the list I think that most of them read and write English pretty well. Have you heard Peter Svidler speak? No accent at all. I am not sure if this is related to anything but I think some chess players speak multiple languages (such as the Polgar sisters). I think many of the chess players on that list are active online on Twitter and Reddit. Several are very good poker players. Many have online chess accounts under a pseudonym (Smallville" and "Capilanobridge" for Nakamura and "thetwits" for Carlsen are two well known examples).
Do we have consensus yet?
14. a5 appears to have a solid lead but some have not voted