Quote from: billotronic on January 05, 2017, 06:11:29 AM

dude, seriously, if you took the time poking wholes in the scam coins and instead put it towards your own coin/project/whatever, it would of been done by now. im not saying this place does not benefit from your scathing critique, but i think the field of assholes is fully enough saturated that a man of your skill set is wasting his talents calling bullshit 24/7.

That was acknowledged already many months ago. Click the link in this quote:

Quote from: iamnotback on January 04, 2017, 06:31:57 PM

Edit: I realize maybe he is referring to when TPTB_need_war would criticize other projects such as Ethereum, Dash, Synereo, etc and also the long thread about whether ICOs are legal. That was a period of learning and conceptualizing about those issues. It was a necessarily stage of gaining understanding and insight.

The analysis of Steem was part of the design process for what I have now.

A think my poor health is the main reason for slow production. Coding is something that is fun but it is intense (if done well) and that intensity appears to be incompatible with the illness I have. I am not even exactly sure yet what illness I have, but whatever it is, it interferes with the energy level in the brain that enables that voracious mental activity that makes coding fun.

I will try to explain it with analogy. Would an NBA basketball player enjoy competing if he had become paralyzed from the waist down and now gets around in a wheelchair.

This is why I have been doing what I can do mentally, and design + conceptual analysis is less detail oriented than coding. Coding requires a lot of energy to keep 100s of tiny details in your head as you go forward. I have difficulty with my memory (battling with delirium) and thought processes because something in my liver disease and in theory digestive system is interrupting the energy needed for my body to function normally. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is incredibly debilitating.

That is why I have been putting so much effort into trying to solve my health problem, because I know I don't feel the same as when I used to code voraciously. And I am trying to get back what I had before.

I seem to do much better when I stay off the computer and do exercise all day. I will be in Singapore from Jan 12 - 19 at this clinic:

http://gutcare.com.sg

I could have gone to Singapore in late October, but I decided to hold my 9.5 BTC (my last remaining funds) because I predicted the BTC price would go up. In that interim time, I was able to write the whitepaper. (Note if it had not been for Steem and @smooth upvoting my blogs in July+August I would be already out of cash).

The Philippines simply didn't have the medical expertise to help me.

I should have done the Singapore thing in 2015 when my first angel investor gave me significant funds. I was in such delirium in 2015 (and the 10 days fasting in August sent me into a tailspin so that was a major mistake) that I couldn't even garnish the energy and clarity of thought to map out a correct strategy of health care. To give you some idea, I had purchased $400 of products in the USA had them sent to a forwarder. My health was so bad in 2015 and 2016, that I never got around to paying the $95 to have it forwarded. They liquidated my goods and I lost $400. That is how debilitating this illness has been. Even tying my shoelaces became a major event.

If you can imagine that I am able to write a white paper and make designs in this condition, imagine what I could do (and did do! See CoolPage, See Corel Painter, See WordUp) if I could just get my normal health back.

I realize by now that a lot of my forum activity was a coping mechanism for not wanting to face the feeling of being handicapped. Wallowing in bed would have made me so bored and depressed. So I did what I could do. I know I would prefer to have been coding.

I am fearful that I was destroyed in 2006 by someone. And I am fearful that there is nothing I can do anymore to fix my health. Although I did have some improvement during the holidays from doing sports and hard exercise hours per day and staying off the computer.

http://imgur.com/a/d3tYe (photos evidence of the holidays, except the one I am hugging my gf is from 2015 when I was so thin from fasting)

I am tired of making excuses. I will finish something and if necessary I will turn the project over to others who aren't ill, if I can't get healthy.

I am fighting as hard as I can every damn day. You don't know how much I have aged in the past 4 years due to this illness. Here is a comparison from 2011. Here are some before and after photos to get some idea, but note the decline began in 2006 because of what someone did to me. And the decline really began in 1999 when I was attacked by a gang and lost 95% vision in my right eye.

http://imgur.com/a/1C6sW

You see the red marks and splotches on my face in that photo where I am sitting in my SUV wearing ear bud headphones. That is the inflammation cascade from the illness. I get welts like that on the back of head after eat. Also do you see the horrendous eye bags. That is liver disease and Chronic Fatigue.

Perhaps you can say I am a narcissist for posting all those photos, but I am also looking at them and trying to understand what happened to me. And to try to look at my photos and see if my sickness is apparent in my photos or not. I don't even really know for sure what happened to me. It is a blur. All I know is I reviewed my archive of emails recently and I have so many emails complaining of declining health such as a sudden onset of arthritis in my knees and Chronic Fatigue + insomnia after I got infected with HPV in April 2006. And these emails continued every year until 2012 when I was hospitalized with a perforated ulcer and then my health went to an worse acute stage.

I was so damn strong and in good health before April 2006, and then unable to even leave the bed for 3 weeks after that and then progressively declining health ever since. So I blame the April 2006 infection, but now I have also something wrong with my liver and digestive system.

Also I can't really afford the health care in Singapore. They are talking up to $3000 just for a colonoscopy. I have no medical insurance.

Any way I am going to at least establish a relationship with the doctors so that after I do an ICO, then I can afford the medical treatment I may need without any limitations.

Any way, I bench pressed 85 kilos on my 59th and 60th rep in the gym two days ago (after those recent basketball photos in the lime green shirt). I determined to put an end to this 11 year health debacle! My career was destroyed. That isn't a lot but realize I am only 70 kilos and that my bench press had been declining significant since Spring of 2015. I had lost power and wasn't able to even do 15 reps with 60 kilos. I did 15 reps with 60 kilos this week on my 61st through 75th reps. My max on bench now is probably about 90 kilos. That is much lower of course than what I did when healthy and younger, but I had pretty much stopped working out barbell most of 2016. So I have a lot upside as I have only been about 8 times to the gym so far.

Also I exacerbated the health problem after 2006 by doing several stupid things:

1. You see those bags of cement behind me in those photos from 2010. How toxic was that having that dust inside the house!
2. I contracted dengue and was being bitten by mosquitos a lot every day. My son also caught it.
3. I was occasionally eating various dried legumes (kidney beans, lima beans, etc) uncooked. I didn't even know this is a toxic poison.
4. I met up with two girls in late 2011 and early 2012 who were both very sick with digestive illness and perhaps even hepatitis (but I have tested negative for hepa, HIV, and other STDs but there is no HPV test for men afaik).

So I can't really attribute my decline to any one thing for sure.

But I will tell you I am still very athletic. I hope those basketball photos make that clear. I will be 52 in June.

I am determined to get back my health. I am busting my ass. And being on this computer and on the forum isn't helping. Staying up night last night messed me up today.

Let's just see what happens. I am not making any claim that I will succeed. Let's see what action transpires. Even I don't know what I can accomplish.

Having serious health problems can make any person doubt themselves. And I have a lot of doubt, because I haven't been able to get well after so many years. I oscillate between being fed up (so exhausted and when in a relapse) and wanting to stop living, to fighting and wanting to push harder and win. It is very bipolar because my physical body is in such a bipolar condition of oscillating between feeling like shit and having some energy to fight. I had tried also being more level but all that does is cause me to be in delirium most of the time. I have to fight and push to get any periods of positivity. Nothing comes easy to me now. This is a different life than I had before.