Oh, okay then, I'm sure the NSA and GCHQ and the G20 and every other organisation you can recall the name of and throw into a completely unrelated conversation are going to get on the case of your two stolen bitcoins right away! They'll drop everything and get some satellites moved into position to track down the culprits and restore those wayward coins to their rightful owner! Like they give a shit who stole your BTC. Pillock. 
You don't seem to understand that total theft aggregates over time.
And the government has an obligation to protect the public from massive theft.
And this provides the excuse for the government+banks to take control of Bitcoin.
It all fits together in
FTFY.