Objectively, altcoins don’t have so much of an advantage as it may seem to the naïve newbie who just wants to buy a cup of coffee. Altcoins only seem to offer inexpensive transactions, because:
No one is buying and using shitcoins to buy a cup of coffee.
Yes, they are.
Just as no one is buying Bitcoin to buy a cup of coffee.
Because they can’t (unless with Lightning).
They're using fiat to buy a cup of coffee.
See above: Shitcoins. (And those aren’t the only ones; there are some much better altcoins getting point-of-sale traction for brick and mortar purchases nowadays. If you don’t know that, it is your problem.)
Which just further reinforces my point. Theory and reality are two entirely different things.
Bitcoin is supposed to be money. That is the theory. If it’s not useful money in reality, then I don’t want it. Thank goodness for those L2 things that you want to ignore; why do they even exist?
blockchain : wire transfer :: offchain : Visa
Also, are you trying to beat out JJG for the 2021 Wordie Man award or what? 
No.