Quote from: franky1 on March 10, 2025, 04:51:48 PM

Quote from: Lida93 on March 10, 2025, 04:38:48 PM

By coming from a home where you have your father and mother treat eachother right and with love and respect the children get to pick those experiences and grow with it as they get to grow from a loving home. A lot of trouble couples happened to be persons who grew up from a violent experienced parenting scenes where the home was truly a home and this has to affect their behaviour when they grow up and get married.

even if you have two mentally healthy people with positive attitudes.
even if they find each other visually attractive

they may find out in a few months-a year that they are not compatible

Yes it's actually possible for tow people who found themselves attractive to later loss such attraction for each other, but if they wish to make things still work then they could find a way to keep going either for the sake of their children they find joy in themselves again and relight the spark.

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marriage should not be something to happen just because you got the other person pregnant
marriage should not be something to stay stuck in just cos of the kids

its always better to get to know who you are with and have compatibility to increase chances of success long term.

No doubt marriage isn't an institution that is meant to happen spontaneously between two people, but why will someone just going sleeping with a woman you can't get married to without using protect to avoid pregnancy.

Well we might have different views in regards to the kids as means to being stuck in marriage this why as a growing young man I never approached a lady I can't end up marrying should a child gets to come in.

Getting to know people well before going on to marriage with them is necessary but I have seen a few cases where one of the partner was hiding his true character and was only pretending to be who the other person actually wants in character, not until they got into marriage and everything changed.

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..snip~

many people that rush into marriage without thinking, without planning, without getting to know the other person,. are usually people from broken homes that never experience much affection. and so as soon as they get the smallest piece of positive attention and the smallest amount of affection. they grab at it and hold on.
this is where things go wrong in itself,. the feeling of being to clingy, rushing things, and then feeling trapped or guilty if you mention your uncomfort

.. so it is important to get to know someone before deciding on a ceremony/contract that suppose to be about lifetime commitment

Yes there were kids (like the girl child) who lacked fatherly love and care while growing up maybe due to a broken home where the kids only had the mother to constantly close than the man who's the father.

Such girls when they grow up and find love from some young man they feel it in a different way for something they never got from childhood. And this makes them vulnerable should they meet the wrong man out there.

It's for this reason among others I said earlier in my preceding reply that for sake of the kids and their psychology and mentality they would grow up with base in what they may be missing from one sided parenting, partners should try as much as finding ways to reconcile and get back to give the kids full package care so they don't get to have such experience in being vulnerable to any "small positive attentions" as you said.