You need to move on, sir. You have to do that if you still want to make your mom proud of you although your mom is not besides you anymore. I suggest you do something and forget the past for a while and think what you can do. Maybe visit some friends and talk to them will help you to find what you can do. Usually, that is what I do if I need to share my problem. We need to share our problem with somebody else who can help us to lift and make us move on.