Why your GW1 team sucks ^{[found on the internet.. enjoy]}  

Joao Pedro: Nkunku Pedro is such a good pick. Hes looked good during pre-season and is surely nailed. Jackson Delap is not good enough to take his place, at least not during the first GWs.

Haaland: Sure man, lets pay 14.0 for Haaland when Rodri is still out injured and his best mate KDB has just left the team.

Gyokeres: Imagine paying 9.0 only to have Havertz start in GW1 and receive a double price drop the following week. If its any consolidation, you have Liverpool away and NFO at home to look forward to as his price further plummets.

Watkins: Looks like a good pick until you realise Emery hates him for some weird reason and will bench him out of nowhere for Malen or Guessand.

Bowen: Talisman for his team sounds good until you realise its West Ham and youre paying 8.0 for an out of position (OOP POO) midfielder. If you wanna invest in a garbage attack you can at least go for Fullkrug and take his blanks for 6.0.

Wood: NFO have scored 1 goal in all of pre-season, and Wood has averaged about a shot per game the whole of last season. Surely he can keep overperforming to a level which puts even Messi and Ronaldo to shame.

Isak: 10.5 just to have him rot on your bench for two weeks, ready to be eased into the Liverpool team with a couple of 1-pointers to come.

Guiu: Guiu is a fantastic third bench option. You will never play him as he drops in price to 4.3 because all the casuals transfer him out for whatever next shiny toy that emerges.

Salah: 14.5 for a player who has been quiet for the last three months of the season, quiet through pre-season, quiet through the charity shield (apart from missing his penalty), and is now sharing goals with Gakpo, Ekitike, Wirtz and potentially Isak.

Palmer: This guy went 18 games without an open play goal at the end of last season, plays two good matches in the CWC, and you kneejerked him straight into your team without hesitation.

Saka: Surely it makes sense to pay premium price for an attacker who just lost pens, and has one of the hardest fixture runs to start the season.

Anderson: Guaranteed between 2-4 point every game. Unrelated question, hows life when you think black pepper is spicy, love salted chips and mayonnaise & ham sandwiches, and fuck exclusively in missionary?

Wirtz: Sancho Havertz Werner Fullkrug Nkunku Wirtz tore up the Bundesliga, hes too good to not tear up the PL.

Any City mid: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. See you in the rant thread my friend.

Kudus: New manager. Maddison, Solanke and Kulu out injured. Played like shit last season. Anyone looking at that 11 and thinking Kudus will get good points is beyond saving.

Fernandes: Shit fixtures. The average of 1 defcon point per game will however make up for the fact that he plays as a defensive midfielder with a front three who have never played together before. Might as well go with Anderson and save the 3.5.

Ndiaye: 90 minutes and penalties sound good when you ignore the fact that watching paint dry is more exciting than watching Everton play.

Frimpong: Okay fixtures, Liverpool looked shaky with half their defence changed against Palace, will be subbed at around 60/70 minutes. Oh and Bradley is breathing down this guys neck for a start as soon as he is fit.

Wan-Bissaka: 4.5 for someone that gets defcon points sound good until you realise youre investing into the West Ham defence.

Konsa: This guy has 15 clean sheets total the last two seasons, and only picked up defcon points thrice the last season.

Van Dijk: Watching Liverpool with Frimpong bombing down the wing while having this guy sit back must be how cucks feel watching their wives get dicked down.

Van de Ven: Investing in the Spurs defence just because they got a manager who couldnt keep clean sheets at his last club is an interesting strategy.

Any city defender: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Not only are they not nailed, they also always concede one stupid goal at the end of the game.

Esteve: 3.8 by GW4 despite you never intending to play him.

Porro: I'll give Porro owners one thing: they dare dream big. This guy always looks threatening and looks like he will score double digits every week. Unfortunately he has done nothing but disappoint his delusional owners the last two seasons.

NFO defenders: NFO massively overperformed last season with their mid table xGC and got found out at the end of last season. And here you are investing into their defence which got a price hike.

Sanchez: 5.0 for an - at best - bang average keeper playing in a Chelsea defence whose best defender is out injured. Makes sense why you paid the premium for him.

Kelleher: If you want to get your regular 2 pointers you might as well go for Dubravka for 4.0.

Sels: We already mentioned NFOs overperformance. With Sels youre investing in the defence, and also getting shafted if they keep a CS and all the defenders get showered in bonus points.

Why your GW1 team sucks ^{[found on the internet.. enjoy]} 

Joao Pedro: Nkunku Pedro is such a good pick. Hes looked good during pre-season and is surely nailed. Jackson Delap is not good enough to take his place, at least not during the first GWs.

Haaland: Sure man, lets pay 14.0 for Haaland when Rodri is still out injured and his best mate KDB has just left the team.

Gyokeres: Imagine paying 9.0 only to have Havertz start in GW1 and receive a double price drop the following week. If its any consolidation, you have Liverpool away and NFO at home to look forward to as his price further plummets.

Watkins: Looks like a good pick until you realise Emery hates him for some weird reason and will bench him out of nowhere for Malen or Guessand.

Bowen: Talisman for his team sounds good until you realise its West Ham and youre paying 8.0 for an out of position (OOP POO) midfielder. If you wanna invest in a garbage attack you can at least go for Fullkrug and take his blanks for 6.0.

Wood: NFO have scored 1 goal in all of pre-season, and Wood has averaged about a shot per game the whole of last season. Surely he can keep overperforming to a level which puts even Messi and Ronaldo to shame.

Isak: 10.5 just to have him rot on your bench for two weeks, ready to be eased into the Liverpool team with a couple of 1-pointers to come.

Guiu: Guiu is a fantastic third bench option. You will never play him as he drops in price to 4.3 because all the casuals transfer him out for whatever next shiny toy that emerges.

Salah: 14.5 for a player who has been quiet for the last three months of the season, quiet through pre-season, quiet through the charity shield (apart from missing his penalty), and is now sharing goals with Gakpo, Ekitike, Wirtz and potentially Isak.

Palmer: This guy went 18 games without an open play goal at the end of last season, plays two good matches in the CWC, and you kneejerked him straight into your team without hesitation.

Saka: Surely it makes sense to pay premium price for an attacker who just lost pens, and has one of the hardest fixture runs to start the season.

Anderson: Guaranteed between 2-4 point every game. Unrelated question, hows life when you think black pepper is spicy, love salted chips and mayonnaise & ham sandwiches, and fuck exclusively in missionary?

Wirtz: Sancho Havertz Werner Fullkrug Nkunku Wirtz tore up the Bundesliga, hes too good to not tear up the PL.

Any City mid: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. See you in the rant thread my friend.

Kudus: New manager. Maddison, Solanke and Kulu out injured. Played like shit last season. Anyone looking at that 11 and thinking Kudus will get good points is beyond saving.

Fernandes: Shit fixtures. The average of 1 defcon point per game will however make up for the fact that he plays as a defensive midfielder with a front three who have never played together before. Might as well go with Anderson and save the 3.5.

Ndiaye: 90 minutes and penalties sound good when you ignore the fact that watching paint dry is more exciting than watching Everton play.

Frimpong: Okay fixtures, Liverpool looked shaky with half their defence changed against Palace, will be subbed at around 60/70 minutes. Oh and Bradley is breathing down this guys neck for a start as soon as he is fit.

Wan-Bissaka: 4.5 for someone that gets defcon points sound good until you realise youre investing into the West Ham defence.

Konsa: This guy has 15 clean sheets total the last two seasons, and only picked up defcon points thrice the last season.

Van Dijk: Watching Liverpool with Frimpong bombing down the wing while having this guy sit back must be how cucks feel watching their wives get dicked down.

Van de Ven: Investing in the Spurs defence just because they got a manager who couldnt keep clean sheets at his last club is an interesting strategy.

Any city defender: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Not only are they not nailed, they also always concede one stupid goal at the end of the game.

Esteve: 3.8 by GW4 despite you never intending to play him.

Porro: I'll give Porro owners one thing: they dare dream big. This guy always looks threatening and looks like he will score double digits every week. Unfortunately he has done nothing but disappoint his delusional owners the last two seasons.

NFO defenders: NFO massively overperformed last season with their mid table xGC and got found out at the end of last season. And here you are investing into their defence which got a price hike.

Sanchez: 5.0 for an - at best - bang average keeper playing in a Chelsea defence whose best defender is out injured. Makes sense why you paid the premium for him.

Kelleher: If you want to get your regular 2 pointers you might as well go for Dubravka for 4.0.

Sels: We already mentioned NFOs overperformance. With Sels youre investing in the defence, and also getting shafted if they keep a CS and all the defenders get showered in bonus points.