Quote from: Kuikens on September 27, 2014, 11:16:54 PM

New A-T update: https://alpha-t.net/news/developmental-update-27092014/

Dear gullible customers,

With much chagrin, we unfortunately have to announce that despite our lamest efforts, it is impossible that we are able to meet our target shipping date for September. Instead, it will slip into October 2017

Nonetheless, there is also very good news: we are very scamming to announce to you that the tape-out process has successfully finished in our minds. This means that we have arrived at the last phases of development, which is the testing phase. Once these tests have ensured that the hardware passes our strict 2nd rate demands, mass production of the devices will commence and shipping will probably fail. This is a big achievement for our company, as the pressure from all the competition that has cropped up since we started has forced us to lie about changes in our designs to bring you an on-par product that matches or exceeds the performance of competitor products.

As far as batch one is concerned, our miner products will be some of, if not the, most power efficient devices on the market today if you close your eyes, and will beat even our own originally quoted performance targets. We expect to have more details about that next millenium.

Our chips have come out of the fab as cream wafers, and they are currently at the assembly house to be sawn (sliced) and packaged then eaten.

Without further ado, we proudly present our fabricated story Scrypt boards. Please see the pictures of their front and back:On a different matter:

As youre well aware, our stupid customers are an extremely important part of our business scam and for that reason we have been doing our utmost best to increase the scam value of your order as much as reasonably possible, such as raising the hash rates whilst maintaining a good, or even better, power ratio. All the shit to make you excited and distract you.

We cannot express how much we are lolling at you for making our work possible, and we are very delighted that you have joined us for batch one. Its absolutely thrilling for us that we are going to be able to destroy your miners at any moment now. However, we do realize that making batch one happen has not turned out exactly as we all had hoped and planned, and just like you: we are very disappointed with that. We wanted all your payments quicker. Our beach resort awaits.

We really want to give back to those of you who have fallen for this and stuck with us through this difficult period, and scam you in the best way we can. As a result, we have designed a special loyalty scam for all of you have completed your batch one orders. Whilst we orginally had hoped that we would be able to realize this in the form of shares, after carefull exploration of that option we have determined there are simply far too many legal ramifications for everyone, which makes it next to impossible to do it this way. A direct quote is fuck off you scammer. Our legal and accounting team has therefore come up with another scam for rewards.

All customers whom have placed an order for a 50Mh/s and/or 250Mh/s batch one Viper on or before 31 August 2014 are eligible to participate in the scam subject to compliance with some limited conditions which are set out in the Scam Rules which can be found on this page: https://alpha-t.net/loyalty-scam-rules/101

Customers dumb enough to participate must opt in to the scheme by 31 October 2014 by completing an application form, which can be found on https://alpha-t.net/loyalty_scam_membership_form.doc. The completed form must be e-mailed to us no later than 31 October 2014 5:00PM UK Time (GMT) on loyalty@alpha-t.net. The application form will be removed from our website after this deadline, and no further applications can be accepted. We will be at the beach resort by this stage.

The scheme will run for five financial years, commencing with the financial year ending 31 August 2015 and ending with the financial year ended 31 august 2020. Payment of a bonus is condititional on the Company needing additional funds to set up more elaborate scams.

If a dividend is declared, a special scam bonus pool will be created for our scam members which will amount to 3/7 of the value of the shareholder scam dividend. This pratically means the following: should the shareholder dividend amount to £70,000, the value of the bonus pool will be £30,000. The bonus pool will be shared between all members of the loyalty scheme. Confused? We hope so.

The bonus pool shall be distributed amongst the eligible customers in proportion to the value of orders placed and paid for by customers. Weve described how this work in more detail in the Scam Rules. However, in a short explanation: you are all well and truly Fucked.

We are very excited about giving you this option, as it demonstrates our disregard to our customers, and our determination to make sure that our customers see a real scam from their investment in Alpha Technologys products. We have full confidence that our scam customers will be very pleased with their decision to stick by Alpha as we grow even scammier over the coming years. We hope as many of our customers as possible sign up for the loyalty bonus scam, and we look forward to receiving your completed application forms within the shortest notice possible. See above. Beach resort.

We believe that not many other start-ups that would find themselves in our shoes would have continued their business scams, and would have given up a long time ago without any future prospects. We hope that we have proven to you that we are more than scammy enough to adapt to the demanding market and evolve. We have ambitious plans for the future that will never be shared in due course, and as always: if we have more news for you, we will send another announcement to distract you and give false hope.

Thank you for your time and patience! Suckers.

Kind regards