Ok, so I tried both Debian and Mint. Still having the same issue. The problem lies with p2pool or my installation of it using the script I linked earlier. Does anyone have any ideas?
Don't use the script?

There's a few good howto guides on here that show you how to install p2pool, those along with a bit of Googling should do it. A linux noob like me got it working in less than an hour (including time to install linux), so it's not difficult.