You have a project you need someone responsible and organized to work on.
You've looked at many profiles of people who say they know programming
but they're just amateurs, and if you work with them your project will fail and
you'll waste money.
That's why you need to work with the best programmer in the known(and unknown) Universe !
I operate on a completely different level than most programmers do.
I'm the number one(#1), and everyone else is far behind. They're still debugging
while I ship code fast and like no other.
There is nobody else, noone. I'm the best ever.
(I hear you other programmers mumbling in the background "who does this guy think he is?!"
I'll tell you who I am ! I'm the best ever !! I'm the best)

P.S.
I'm considering doing this as part-time work, but you know it'll turn out well, because
I am the best, numero uno #1. The best programmer in the universe(don't you ever forget that)