I was told to hold "onto" my balls... thought it'd be exciting. Didn't know that it'd be because they'd been repeatedly kicked, me, left writhing in pain.

Holding onto ones balls requires some balls to begin with so already you don't qualify, but nice try anyways....
This pretty much sums this thread all up. Nothing new to read in here, yet another new topic about halving. As correctly stated in here:
https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=1410022.0, we will have more than 100 new topics about halving, as most of the users in here don't know how to use search option.
people keep repeating everything because literally nothing is happening lately. i think by the time that the block halving has been completed, there will be close to 200 threads about it. searching for an already existing thread costs time while creating a new thread is done in a few seconds.
Yep, horizontal trends are boring unfortunately and this is also reflected in all these 'new' threads about halving.
We have to simply wait until the resolution, but even then I wouldn't expect fireworks, if we do not have any extra developments.
what extra developments are you hoping to see this year that will bring the action back to the currently boring market? i really can't think of any beside the block size increase.
the block size increase is such a big development on its own that bitcoin will not need any more exciting things for a while in order to push the price up. it has gone on for long enough and should come to an end soon.
We don't need block size increase for now, segwitness is already working in testnet and has proved to mine a 1,5 MB block... things are looking great, Bitcoin just proved it can scale.
This plus all the halving expectation will make price go higher than we can imagine. A lot of people will sell way too soon when we hit $1,000, only to see it correct but quickly go up and go beyond $1,500 and at that point anyone that sold will be depressed.
Bitcoin belongs to $3,000+ at least in the next ATH.