Hey everyone, I want to know your opinion on this.
Things the society and culture you've lived and grew up in considered to be a taboo, while you may have noticed that they weren't supposed to be until people made them up.
So now you may be trying to break this curse bestowed upon you by your society (if by any chance you like having a more free mind and don't like to impose limits on your imagination which ultimately plays itself in your life, actions and behavior),
trying to undo that curse for a better satisfying human experience. has anyone here any idea what i'm talking about ?
has anyone had any breakthroughs in this regard? would you like to share? i know it can be difficult..
I've been struggling with it (for years) and trying to recover bits of myself which i think have been lost, blocked and stripped off me perhaps by enormous social conditioning which is still a dream to recondition for me.
one of them being healthily open about my sexuality and feelings.
Since I was born a Muslim and raised as one in an Islamic society (I'm agnostic now btw and have made my research) I find my feelings and urges deeply restrained in this society to the point that i know even if i leave this society for a better and more accepting one i'd still have problems revealing the ways I feel sexually and emotionally and my thoughts,
It sometimes feels like i have this hugeeee shield around me to not get hurt and not hurt others but this huge shield is turning me into a zombie, i cant function in my society due to this and i don't mean just sexually and emotionally, I mean being able to stay connected and tuned into a community. I truly cant do that while i'm like this and i try so hard to get out of it.
Make my self vulnerable on purpose to rebuild what has already been built, sometimes i find myself shaking from the stress which i try to hide.
I know i need to see a therapist but considering where i live and i have been to two, most of the therapists and psychologists I've come across here are old fashioned ( one even said a man doesn't wash dishes in a normal society does he??? can you believe that).
Its like im carrying thiss hhuggee suppressed emotional baggage that has deprived me of the path i was on.
and sometimes this gets me so depressed that i find it difficult to even get out of bed, let alone make small talk or fight for this imo hopeless society which makes it all the worst.
I'm the type of personality which is explosive, when the explosiveness fades away i lose a lot of energy cuz i expressed a lot in the first place but that means i save a lot of that energy before i let it run lose
It feels like being tamed
being a slave to the master. that's honestly how i feel everyday i open my eyes
sometimes i think (iff karma and past lives were true) i was probably a cold hearted slaver in my past life to be going through this one now.
i just don't understand what is so bad about being authentic and expressing our true feelings of joy, anger, lust, sex, despair, regret, remorse, guilt, happiness, love. or maybe im expressing them all the wrong ways. instead of turning the expression of some of these feelings into taboos.
I think most of the society represses these feelings and urges deep within them which eventually turns them into these zombies like myself.
try asking people how are you? and i bet out of 10 times you'll atleast hear "im good" 7 times ( well i may be mistaken, everyone might really be feeling good, happy and satisfied all the time)
I'm just saying maybe if we could touch and get a taste of the expression of those feelings in depth would first of all clear our mind for more productive thought to come in and overall makes us being better at being a human being and reframe the way we communicate authentically with each other as living beings, like other animals who express their feelings without shame (they might look dumber than us but it seems to me they're having a more stress free life but what do i know i'm not in the food chain you know).
truth is if you keep touching on these ideas you will get so much rejected, condemned, frowned upon by everyone you know and maybe even eventually hanged.
So it looks like i'm stuck in this shit, i see myself considering these options:
1. committing suicide
2. living in a zoo with other animals
3. keep fighting hopelessly for glimpses of emotional revolution within myself until i get shitfaced again
4. accepting what the way things are and moving on living as a zombie not really caring about anything at all
maybe you could give a couple other options too
Thank you for hearing me out this long, it means a lot to me and I value honest thoughts, opinions and suggestions.
Have you been in a similar position ? have you been successful overcoming it ?
What are your thoughts?